It's over, thank GOD. She's safe at home and considering its only been 24-hours since her surgery, she's doing remarkably well.  The kid is tough.

The surgery was over about 10:00a. It took an hour, I was sure in that time I would have a heart attack, it was just POUNDING in my chest. I was nauseated, sweating and basically not the strong mommy I wanted to be. I paced, I fidgeted. It was ugly. Poor Mark, dealing with his own fears and anxiety had to talk me down several times. I was so worried...

And then they called from the OR about 30-minutes in and I swear my heart sank to my toes, I was going to have a stroke right then and there in the waiting room. Even the nice volunteer assigned to take care of us in the waiting room looked at me startled. Apparently the color left me rapidly as I picked up the phone...

So yeah. Not the strong mommy I wanted to be.

...It turned out they were just confirming we wanted the tube in her ear, which had long ago fallen out and was just squatting, to be removed? "um, yes". DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN OHMYGOD.  I could hear beeping and strange whooshing noises in the background. My baby. My baby was hooked up to machines that were making those noises. 

God, even now, thinking about those noises...

Her doctor came out 6 months or so after she went in and sat down next to us. She had done perfectly, no complications. Her tonsils were easy to remove and showed signs of past infections. He felt good that this may help with her fevers. Someone would come out in a minute and take us back to recovery...

I know this sounds strange but that was the exact moment the weight of the world was removed from my shoulders. I could deal with whatever was going to happen, no matter how badly she felt, the surgery was over. All that emotion, all the fear I had harbored inside me  just poured out.

...He said he had a present for me and produced a plastic cup with a lid. Ok, I'll admit it I thought for a moment he was handing me her tonsils! It was just the tiny plastic tube from her ear. YES, let's fuck with Stephanie's fragile and exhausted mind. Fun! He laughed, I laughed, Mark laughed and I think it was the first time we laughed all week. It felt good.

Two nurses appeared and said only one of us could go back. I was a mess and I knew Emma needed strength so I asked Mark to go.  The nurses said they didn't see many daddy's in Recovery and I found that so odd and sad. "She's my girl" he said proudly. And she is...

He thanked me later for that, for being the one to go back. I think the importance of daddy's are sometimes underrated.

...When I was allowed to go back they warned me she was crying. I thought "No shit? I would imagine so", plus if y'all remember the surgery for her tubes, the fight or flight reaction, yeah I wasn't surprised. But she wasn't like that, just clearly woozy and scared from the anesthesia. Her face was puffy and she was laying on Mark's chest.

They wheeled them to the 3rd floor, me following along side of the gurney. The nurse said she had asked for a popsicle almost immediately after coming out of her haze. THAT'S MY GIRL, SET HER UP! And they did, 3 popsicles and iced water. She ate two of them and drank the water. A nurse came in and started asking questions like how old she was, she tried to hold her hand up that had the IV and spread her little fingers, no go. She switched hands and held up 4 fingers. The nurse laughed and said "I think everything's fine here!" and left.

Once we were alone we - without much thought- bombarded Emma with questions, "Do you want more popsicle? More water? Do you need a tissue? Does it hurt?...." and she finally yelped "STOP TALKING!"  Have I mentioned how much we love her? Spunky Monkey.

Within an hour they told us we could leave. She was eating and drinking, she was coherent, "Would you like to go?" OH HELL YES! So we left, even taking the surgical gown with us. Hey she didn't want to jack with changing clothes.

The nurses were amazing. The doctor was amazing. The anesthician - she was incredible. I feel so lucky to have had such a team. Every person in that hospital was genuinely kind. We're very grateful.

So she's eating and drinking and generally doing really well. We're cautiously optimistic going forward. This has been a long road and we've dealt with a lot of ups and downs. Only time will tell now. But hope is there.

Thank you all so much. Thank you. Every word you wrote helped. Every single one. Thank you.

Comments

[Johnny]

Glad to hear the good news.

[Lies1976]

Okay I can go to sleep now! (it's 22.30 hrs here) Good news, very good news. And I really hope that this surgery is the end of a that too long a journey. Big hug to all of you. And a large popsicle for the Bug.

Oh.... just sharing.... we are travelling in 13 nights. Want to know what a mess I am?

[k2]

I'm **so** glad everything went well.

[Jacquie]

Breathing a sigh of relief with you.....

[walternatives]

Thanks for letting us know that everything went well. I've been thinking of you all.

[Susan]

Thanks for the update and glad all is well. Lots of well-wishes to all of you.

[lg]

I'm glad she is improving. Take care!

[Elaine]

I'm glad to hear she came through okay. I've been fretting for y'all. Better soon. Better soon.

[maggie]

my heart! glad she is good!

[Debbie in the UK]

I am so glad for you all. I was thinking of you xxx She is a tough cookie and I hope that Emmas fevers stop now xxx