I had a grand plan before we brought our daughter home.  I wanted to give her the gift of discovering herself. The self free of sociological expectations and burdens or 'expected to's'. So I took great care in decorating her room cheerfully, but gender neutral. I refused to buy pink clothes and I put her in little tennis shoes instead of baby mary janes. There would be no princess crap/Barbie crap or anything with GLITTER - it was a steadfast rule. In my mind I imagined I was raising a confident, spunky, punk rock, tomboy.

Well, we got the confident and spunky right.

Turns out Emma's 'self' is a princess dress loving, fairy wing sportin', sparkly shoe wearing, PINK girly-girl. Oh she is foo-foo. Don't ask me how it happend, not a clue.  The Ramones and Sex Pistols t-shirts clearly did not stick. I mean I fought it for the longest time, tooth and nail, NO! Not my daughter!

Then...then she got sick, and I found myself more scared than I have ever been in my life, more scared than I EVER want to be again. And somewhere between the oncologist office and the ct scan, I decided, well, in the grand scheme of things, wanting to wear a pretty pink dress and sparkly shoes was not that big of a deal....and I let it all go. 

My girl is healthy again, but in my eagerness to do RIGHT by my daughter, I had forgotten a very important lesson. The largest part of discovering who you are, in finding your own voice, is the ability to try on many hats to see how they fit.  It just turns out this go-round happens to be pink jaquered silk with an organza veil. I can live with that.

I'm sorry baby girl, I didn't realize how happy this would make you.

Mommy loves you so much!

 

Comments

[Lee]

Oh Steph, I am living this too! Ellie isn't into princesses (mostly because Disney villains scare the crap out of her), but if it is pink and sparkly, she WANTS it. I wasn't prepared for Barbie love at 4, but there you go. And hey, playing Barbies with her is pretty fun. Plus, I was a doll-loving girly girl as a kid, and no one would accuse me of being a fluffy pushover as an adult.

And having gone through a medical crisis as well, I completely understand the overwhelming need to see that sweet smile (even if you have to douse her in pink to get it). But then, I'm the mom who carries her 33 pound kid across the parking lot since she hates walking in slush. Wait, maybe I am a pushover after all...

[Jacquiej]

OMG... this could so have been written by me. Minus the sick little girl part. After months (years?) of fighting the damn princesses I embraced them and dropped a wad on all things pink, princessy, and sparkly for Christmas. And my girl couldn't be happier.

[Erienne]

meh...I gave in when M told me that she loved Ariel most of all because she didn't have feet. Seriously she could have had everything she wanted after that.

I also know that the two Cinderella barbies that she got for her birthday have already lost their appeal and she thinks that her science class today rocked and wants to put together a "science bag" this weekend.

It will come around and change a million times. She can't live with you and love princess forever it just isn't possible. She will be cursing like a sailor, lifting your wallet, and shopping at hot topic before you know it.

M will have stolen my credit card and flown out to ride shot gun.

[Erienne]

Oh wow I just noticed...

The entire boxed set of princess slippers eh? Nice!!

[walternatives]

I'm proud of you. It's hard to let go of our preconceived ideals; I felt the same as you did (first paragraph) before we received our referral. Now, I'm struggling with the other side; one of our kids wants pink and sparklies, too, and I indulge, but we try to only wear it at home.

[maggie]

good post

[Cavatica]

Nooooooooooooo! She will not be a princess - my daughter. I can't live with it. God, I know it will happen to us too. But for now I'm in denial. Denial feels good.

[Carol]

I think all the hats you've prepared her for fit her just fine mommy.

Carol

[Lies1976]

I was all pink glitter and barbie growing up, but only 3 months ago I was trying to act younger than my 33 years in the mosh pit (yes, I said mosh pit) at a Green Day concert wearing my Blondie shirt.
Pink is only one letter away from Punk!

[Wendy O]

We don't do princesses here either or Barbie. My thoughts were like yours, still are, but I have caved on nail polish, lip gloss, hair bows, etc. I still don't allow the princess or Barbie crap or the history that comes with it, but the dressy stuff is creeping in. I have explained to her why I don't like them and why they are not for our home (all of her friends get that stuff) and she agrees that women are powerful and not in need of help from men so that has worked (she is 5), but I had to let go on the other stuff. If I truly am a feminist than I will allow her to be the kind of woman she wants to be, a nail polish, dress wearing, lip gloss shining girl. I draw the line at those heels though. M is very rational and I went with the health approach and I'll be damned, it worked.