Hmm.

There is a prediction out there (hello Weather Channel, don't you look lovely today) that it will snow in San Antonio tomorrow.  This little tidbit of anomaly may very well be the end of polite society here in the South. People are losing their minds and you would think we're all hunkering down for some major catastrophe. The shelves of our local grocery are bare, there is nary a loaf of bread to be found, and they're driving their big and completely unnecessarily large off-road vehicles (seriously, if one more douche bag in a Hummer goes over a speed bump at .1 miles an hour, I will ram my wee and shitty Stratus right up their overpriced ass) down the highways at Mad Max style speeds. Repent People, the END IS NEAR and the antichrist is upon us in the form of small, white flakes! Sure, forget that it was 80 degrees last weekend so the ground isn't even remotely close to freezing or that on the strange, bizarre chance it does stick that it will melt by 9a because the temperature will rise to about 45, just go on with your batshit crazy ways, why bring logic into it now? 

WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, GET YOUR BUTTERCRUST BREAD BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!

There paranoid San Antonio People, feel better?

On to the boring and mundane but for some unexplainable reason I feel it necessary to share with the two remaining people who read this blog..................

This will come as a shock so brace your internet selves: I have broken up with my neighbor. Basically it culminated at a dinner where the girls were playing and putting their arms around each other to hug and doing general little girl goofing around stuff when all of a sudden 'C' up and starts doing her whine/tattle thing again only,....and this is so RIDICULOUSLY ridiculous I have a hard time writing it...

C:  Mommy, Emma touched my breast.

Neighbor:  It's ok

C:  Mommy, SHE TOUCHED MY BREAST

Me:  -------!

C:  Emma touched my breast!

Me:  Sweetie, you guys were playing right? Hugging? There was no threat from Emma.

Emma:  [Looking confused and wondering if she's in trouble]

Me to Emma:  It's ok Ems, you didn't do anything wrong

Me to Neighbor:  Are you kidding me?

Neighbor:  I think it's important she tell me when someone touches her

Me to Neighbor:  Ok, but there's a bit of distinction here don't you think?

Aaaaaand fade to black because YOU'VE BECOME A FREAK and you're TURNING YOUR KID INTO A FREAK.

To say I was annoyed and a little creeped out would be a gross understatement. 

So, for reasons that really had nothing to do with the above, 'C' is in a daycare at a church for 3 hours a day (because CLEARLY she doesn't need the social skills) and we moved Emma into a far better, non-sick-every-two-weeks-school. And that's that. Neither one of us has bothered texting or reaching out to the other and I am A-OK with that. There will be those events with mutual friends but whatever, I've had enough.

Still makes me sputter and spew when I think about it. First casualty of friendship over different parenting styles I suppose, but was I wrong, did this not strike you as absurd?

Anyway...

Guess who got her ears pierced? No really, GUESS?!

(Thanksgiving lunch at school)

She had been asking for earrings for the longest time and we kept warning her it would hurt but she was determined, she has a mighty will folks.  It was all very traumatic for about 3 minutes then she couldn't keep her eyes off her badass self.  

(seriously, dudes, that's a kid up there. MY kid. Still wigs me out.) 

(what? you don't fashion your kid's hair into palm trees?) 

So I am theeeeeeeese close to joining a gym. Me. I only hesitate because I am the worlds laziest person but let's be honest here Peeps, apparently that extra 30 pounds I put on because of Lexapro and Depoprovera and Doritos, it would appear, isn't just water weight. Also, I am old. And sedentary. Suck. And I really don't like my body this way. And food, I like food. So this is a major dilemma for me. Lazy AND vain. Do ya'll work out? Run? How are you motivating yourself? Were results pretty quick? Can I become a slackass again once results are achieved?

(this is my general thought on the state of my current body) 

Alrighty, don't forget, send bread, there's a chance we here in SA won't make it through tomorrow night. There's snow coming if you haven't heard. I need the stress carbs. Don't judge me.

 

Comments

[maggie]

Your kid is so cute!
Your neighbor is nuts. I have a neighbor and I am starting to have the same issues. I dont have the guts to end it. You are a badass!

I am no help in the diet area cuz i am slowing going to explode if i dont work out soon.

[Tink]

I will type hoping I can post but with really very little faith this thing will work.

You rock. Palm trees are awesome and I wish had thought of that when M's hair was shorter. I miss Emma wicked bad. I miss you even worse.

Tell your blog thingy here not to be a hater.

xxoo

Oh and your neighbor lady is a freakin loon.

[Tink]

Damn is a mf'n miracle!

Call me! Return a dang e-mail.

*begs*

[Johnny]

The last picture confirmed what I've always known....you're number "1"!

[pinkpoppies]

More than two readers now.

Your neighbour? Seriously weird. Your daughter's palm tree hair? Awesome.

When will the parade of awful sweaters begin? It ain't Christmas until we can see what travesties has been committed to ramie, cotton and angora.

Pink

[L]

That girl is going to have so many issues! It is criminal sometimes what parents do to their kids. Long live the palm trees!!!

[Lies1976]

Aaaahhh.... missed you....

First of all, the Bug: STINKIN' CUTE!

About the gym: I hate excersize, but I love to dance and to get rid of my aggression. So I take Bodyjam and Bodycombat classes. I adored the Bodyjam class where we had to dance to...brace yourself.... Marilyn Manson! For three months I could rock out to the Beautiful People whilst freaking out the few 50+-ers in the class. And I Luuuuuuurrrrvvvvvee Bodycombat. 800-1000 calories burned of per lesson, need is say more?

[Diana]

I have a lot to say. . . get some coffee or a glass of wine. First, the snow. You've lived in CO- you know it's not that bad here, but come on, people are raiding the grocery store for one night's worth of snow in TX?? Tomorrow, I will go for a run (outside) in 10 degree weather and I am so excited about it. How often does one get to experience that?

Touching a breast?! Huh, I would be so embarrassed if my daughter said that about her friend. We sometimes try to talk about who can touch what, but I can't imagine she would misunderstand the message and say her friend was touching inappropriately.

Finally, I'm so embarrassed to admit that I'm going on a cruise soon (it's not our style of travel), and my friends told me I would gain about 5 pounds. It seemed logical that I should lose 5 pounds beforehand so I wouldn't worry about it. We order a box of organic fruits and vegetables once a week from a local vender, which forces me to cook with more vegetables, so we're eating healthier. Because I work and don't have time to go to the gym, I also ordered 2 Jillian Michael's DVDs (I've never seen her TV show)- the Fat Burn DVD and the 30 Day Shred. I'm seeing results. I get up at 5am and do a 30 Day Shred workout during the week (they're only 25-30 minutes) and I do the 45 minute fat Burn on the weekend. I drink a latte and some water while I'm doing the workout in my pajamas and I like it so much better than the gym. We all have a different style, but I thought I'd share mine.

Good luck with it all!

[Jenny]

That was too much, "she touched my breast" seriously?

And, add indian to the list, I remember you eating alot of indian and me as well! I need to join a gym as well, next feb/march will be my time frame if my kids will go to a daycare there...I need some excercise.

[Mom of Four]

I love the hair. I do "monkey ears" for my daughter so I am right there with you and fun with the daughter hair.

Your neighbor. Wow. I have a slight feeling you are only one of the many who are going to shout "Check please!" in her lifetime of mommy friendships.

Your desire to lose weight. Right there with you, joining the Y this month and hoping to lose the "baby fat" from the last baby, who is 9 and seems to think that telling me I am "soft and squishy and nice to lay on" while she snuggles with me is a compliment. It's not about losing and then slacking again, look at as losing and changing and tweaking some things that you know to do but aren't putting yourself first to do them.

I think EmmaBug is going to need a mom who can KEEP UP!Glad you
are back and PS Tiger told me I was his one and only. Dang it I knew I should have been suspicious.