Emma-Bug

Here's today's question: When in an elevator, why do some people feel it necessary to enter and then immediately begin backing up until the person behind them is forced to suck up against the back of the cab? Seriously, I have had to hold my hand out to STOP them from doing the unwanted bump! I want my 12-inch "personal space" buffer; call me an elitist, call me a spoiled American snob- whatever. I do not enjoy a total stranger's ass that close to me. Unless we're about to engage in the Bunny Hop, BACK THE FUCK OFF, there is 3 FEET IN FRONT OF YOU.

And yes, the economy and the bail-out, Part III, The Middle; Inflation and You, a Sexy Tango.....coming.....soon'ish.

So, my job. Also the paranoia. Yes. To both. I have never been in a position where I know so much about behind the scenes big wig decision, holy crap, workings. Now don't get me wrong I adore my job, am very, very happy with job and even more happy with a recurring paycheck - as are all my creditors. But lordy, raise your hand if you've begun noticing shit hitting the fan? Paycheck not stretching as far as it used to? Yeah, me/mine either.   I mean I don't think we're going into a depression, it's not going to be Thunder Dome out on the highways. Polio and rickets aren't going to be widespread and I'm going to make a big leap in predicting, at least at the moment, the United States isn't going to turn into a dusty, yellow gel filtered after school special of doom complete with tattered clothes, turnip eatin' and let's brew us our own booze. Although I'm not above the booze thing.

(Although I've been following this blog that totally thinks that's EXACTLY what's going to happen. She's a batshit loon ya'll. She's hoarding canned food and buying solar powered generators for when the electricity goes out and....it's AWESOME.)

 But on the other hand I do expect a full-on, full-frontal, expose your ta-ta's recession. Double unemployment, kiss your 401(k) returns good.bye. for at least the next 5-years, possible rape of our Social Security program;  rampant, freakishly high inflation and a retail crash of which only the stale hot-dog smelling, evil that is Walmart will survive.

(Reveal:  I've begun doing my grocery shopping at Walmart. I know, I know they are unethical pieces of shit who treat their employees like crap and sustain cheap, probably child labor in various third world countries. I get it, HOWEVER I save like $50-$75 A WEEK ya'll. And with their "No antibiotics and No hormone" meat section, I have "No Excuse". Ethics have to take a back burner when it comes to consumerism and a recession. Plus, PLUS..... I never, EVER feel under dressed when I shop there, so.... shush"

Anywho, as painful as it is, it's come time for me to PAY OFF YE OLE' DEBT OF HISSYFIT and therefore I'm joining this blog for The Poverty Party wherein we bloggers gather and be brutally honest about how fiscally irresponsible we are and then write what we're doing to rectify the ugliness, along with tips and things that have worked for us.....and also when we miserably, terribly, embarrassingly, fall off the financial cart right into a glorious pile of Nieman Marcus where we wallow and perhaps do the backstroke over something pretty.

So, over here at The Land of Emma we're....not sucking outrightly. Both of our cars are paid off - No student loans - House with a manageable mortgage - check! But! BUT! Credit cards. Little plastic slivers of horror. There are three total...the Black Plague of Death Card that has an UNHOLY interest rate (I'm looking at you WASHINGTON MUTUAL you pieces of SHIT!). The carried amount clearly from slkdjfidsokd disodil sk. Yeah I have not a clue, please refer back to the "fiscally irresponsible" section above. My thought is I charged a Coke and the interest accrued over a couple of years- those bastards. Then there's the Care Credit card that I didn't even realize was a card, not that it matters because it's a line of credit that we used to pay the THOUSANDS spent at the Vet's office in desperation to keep my Walter alive; I can't talk much about that one, I still get weepy. And finally, there's Mark's Visa which shouldn't count since nothing personal is ever put on it, it's for work only. Money goes in, it's reimbursed, money goes in.... 

So total, our debt is.....Good LORD! Shoot me. A little over $9,500. Jesus, I'm the national average.

Of course the point of this exercise is to share what we're going to do to bring down that debt? Well obviously my plan is to have a full-on panic attack followed by some crying.

Eesh. Must. Marinade. In. HUGE. debt-id-ness.

In the meantime I leave you with this.....

Dear Madonna, please go away. You are no longer relevant but in fact sort of spooky in your vein-y, no pants wearing ways. Thank you.

    

Speaking of the economy....I've been working on the annual budgets at work and I've got to tell you, it's blown the big wad. How bad of a sign is it when your President takes a pay cut? Anyway, it's become glaringly obvious I need to have my concentrations focused on work. As much as I love my blog it's going to have to be put on pause for a couple of weeks, or at least until my rising paranoia passes.

Show us the way Obama....

"You know, this country of ours has more wealth than any nation, but that's not what makes us rich. We have the most powerful military on Earth, but that's not what makes us strong. Our universities and our culture are the envy of the world, but that's not what keeps the world coming to our shores.

"Instead, it is that American spirit -- that American promise -- that pushes us forward even when the path is uncertain; that binds us together in spite of our differences; that makes us fix our eye not on what is seen, but what is unseen, that better place around the bend.

"That promise is our greatest inheritance. It's a promise I make to my daughters when I tuck them in at night, and a promise that you make to yours -- a promise that has led immigrants to cross oceans and pioneers to travel west; a promise that led workers to picket lines, and women to reach for the ballot.

"And it is that promise that 45 years ago today, brought Americans from every corner of this land to stand together on a Mall in Washington, before Lincoln's Memorial, and hear a young preacher from Georgia speak of his dream.

"The men and women who gathered there could've heard many things. They could've heard words of anger and discord. They could've been told to succumb to the fear and frustration of so many dreams deferred.

"But what the people heard instead -- people of every creed and color, from every walk of life -- is that in America, our destiny is inextricably linked. That together, our dreams can be one.

"'We cannot walk alone,' the preacher cried. 'And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back.'

"America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise -- that American promise -- and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess."

-- Barack Obama, August 28, 2008

I am going to have to ask effective immediately no elected official nor potential elected official call blue-collar America, the people who keep this country running and give it its dignity by the way, "Joe Six Pack". It's insulting. Collectively we are not backwood rednecks. I for one do not own or know how to play the bango, I do not own a vehicle with mud flaps displaying a cut out of a naked woman.  There are no trucker hats with sexual induendo in my home. It doesn't bring the person saying this to the people, it is simply showing ignorance and lack of experience in the big leagues.

Thank you and please proceed with your day pleasantly.

Oh, and the shout-out during a serious debate while discussing an extremely serious issue....dude.

I'm unable to properly discuss the winking as I am busy stabing my Sharpie into my eyeballs.

Crap that is annoying me today...

1.  The chillers in the tall, high-rise building which I plant my ass for what seems like 20 hours a day, are down. Until Friday. It was 95 degrees here deep in the south of Texas yesterday. I am sweaty and really, really sleepy.

2.  These cakes...

 

 

These are all birthday bakes created for children under the age of 4. I went on the internet yesterday looking for some ideas to make the two, TWO! cupcakes for the girls special and I found these. And now? Well let's face it, you know me, I know me, I want TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS and I can't because I've made a pact that I won't be freaky overachieving mom. It's haunting me People. DO YOU SEE THE AWESOME DRAGON?!

*twitch*

3.  The economy and the fear of what could happen, what will happen.

4.  My disappointment in the House and Senate to act on our behalf.

5.  Bush. Fucker.

6.  Gingrich. Douche bag.

7.  That my Wii turned my Mii into a little snausage when I got Wii Fit and it weighed me.

8.  David Duchovny will recover from his sex addiction prior to my taking advantage of it.

9.  That I'm starving this morning but that damn little snausage Mii is stuck in my brain inhibiting me from eating the cheeseburger I am obsessing about it.

10.    Agnus the cat keeps locking us out of our house. There's a sliding glass door, there's this long metal rod that is the glass sliding door's security and she keeps bumping it intentionally to lock us out. Then she sprawls in front of the sliding glass door and suns herself while looking at us, occasionally pawing the glass. I believe she's doing this because she's PISSED about the whole 80-lb dog invasion.

11.  I am 40.

12.  I need a vacation, an actual real vacation......sans child, and yet I cannot even fathom leaving her for any length of time.

13.  The glass on my iPhone cracked in what can only be described as the most insanely ridiculous accident EVER. I was in our atrium and the phone slipped out of my hand, going through the slats of the park bench THEN through the even smaller slats of the wood deck. I had to take one of Mark's swords (oh yes, we are the owners of many medieval weapons. What? You don't collect?) and nudge it centimeter by centimeter to the edge. And now there are three hairline cracks. The repair costs as much as a new iPhone. YOU SUCK APPLE!

14.  I want a new tattoo. I want a dragon (are we seeing a pattern here?) I have researched and researched Chinese dragons (Johnny, I'm going to have to ask you cease rolling your eyes) and I'm ready! Only I trust no one to do it except my brother-in-law, who is in Arizona. 

   

15.  And finally,

 

Just in general. Annoying.