Emma-Bug

Skank Off!

I know, it's been indeed too long!  She Who Never Sits Still has my brain all-a-fuzzy these days what with the antibiotics and chest x-rays.

To make up for it I believe I've put together the round of the century, a Skank Off! of biblical porportions, End of Days Skank if you will. I don't think you'll be disappointed. Brace yourself, it's not going to be easy...

AND IN THIS CORNER....

Janice "Eat It" Dickinson. She's going to be tough to beat. There are decades of skeeve-out experience here - Studio 54 skeeve-out experience. She's applied herself People, you have to respect that.

Her contender had to be chosen carefully, you can't put a fantastic skank of her caliber up against just anybody.

So, after careful consideration, I have chosen...

Courtney "Bitches" Love.

YEAH!

Two will enter, one will leave....all skankified.

... and blue birds nestled my wee bundle in her blanket while I sang an ancient song.

On the day of her adoption it was as if the earth itself knew something big was about to happen.  The sky, which had been heavy with gray clouds, even sensed the day's importance because as we were leaving for the Civil Affairs office, the clouds parted to the most beautiful, perfect blue sky. In my heart I felt an overwhelming, all consuming love for a child I had never seen or held. I could feel in my soul this girl was my daughter and she had been waiting for me, was part of me. At long last when she was finally placed in my arms, our eyes met and I could tell she felt the same way. She knew. She knew that we would be a family forever and she nuzzled down into my bosom and I felt her body relax against mine.

When you're telling your adoption story - this is all people want to hear. And it doesn't matter if you're talking to a stranger, a friend or a family member. You might as well start memorizing it now. Feel free to print it, maybe laminate it for future use, and has a matter of fact if you're able to incorporate small woodland creatures into the story, you know? hopping out of the forest to greet your new bundle of joy, you may want to throw that in too. If it's true or not is inconsequential.  That it's a HUGE disservice to yourself and your child to babble such bubblegum nonsense, doesn't matter either.   

Now of course it's perfectly acceptable...if not required...to have the most gruesome, disgustingly bloody, horrific birth story. I mean it's a highly competitive sport from what I've gathered, but an adoption story? That's supposed to be a Disney movie.

Believe it or not, I'm a pretty private person. I don't feel it necessary to share all the intimate details of my life with many people. BUT, when it comes to adoption - when asked - I am more than happy to share our story. And I refuse to fluff because, well, it's OUR story and I'm not ashamed or timid about it in any way, shape or form. But inevitably I begin to notice a look of horror come across their faces as the story unfolds. It's almost shocking for them to realize it requires work and it's NOT a case of instant love, that it's NOT a case of charity or saving a child because we are saint like and want to save the world one child at a time.

Why is it I see horror?

Is it media related?

Is it a weird-assed misconception among adoptive parents they have to make their story a fairytale or people will think there's something wrong! They don't love their children! What do you mean it's hard?!

In the right situation, with the right people, are you giving up your story or are you doing a synopsis with a sunshine spin? Maybe that's the problem, maybe I'm over-sharing.

Drrrrrr Yogurt! and the awesomeness of Jesus Sandals

In case you wondering how long a person can go with approximately 2.3 minutes of sleep a night, the answer would be seven days. Then you begin to weep at random intervals for no apparent reason. And sort of mumbling to yourself. Also walking into rooms forgetting why so you just stand there for really more time than would be considered healthy.

Have I mentioned Emma's two lower molars decided to come in too? Good times.

She's doing better. The most recent antibiotic actually seems to be working, so you know? Yay for us. Mystery bacterial infection be gone! At this very moment she's sleeping soundly for the first time in little over a week. The idea of a full night of snoozing for me? Almost too beautiful of a thought to hold. I may weep again.

As a side note, you know how everyone always says "give them yogurt when they're on antibiotics" but you think to yourself "why?" and roll your eyes into the back of your head. Apparently there's some truth to it and it only took me a week to give it a whirl. Duh! doesn't quite cover the staggering stupidity. Learn from me People, let me pave the dumbass way.

Here's Mark trying to teach Emma how to flash the "Peace" sign this evening...

The headband? Yeah don't ask, I've given up trying to figure it out. Perhaps I need to lay off playing 80's tunes.

Also, have you seen my baby?

That? Is a full fledged little girl. Not an ounce of baby left in her. As a matter of fact, she's officially two! Ok, maybe not chronologically but att.i.tude and boundary testing and general getting into EVERYTHING? Two. Tonight she was miffed her dinner was in a bowl (Oh The Audacity!) and not just swilled onto her tray and she flung herself backwards while I was holding her, screaming, and almost fell right out of my arms and on to the cold, hard tile. A time-out was had and I made her say she was sorry before she could get up from the stairs because CHRIST mommy almost had a small heart attack.

But look at the scrumptiousness of those legs?! It's hard to be upset with scrumptiousness like that. They make we weak.

On a completely different note, I can't believe ya'll said my Psychedelic Jesus Sandals were ugly.

Bitch.Es.

They're not ugly! Nay they are organic granola and tree hugging fabulous! And swirly! They will be lovely with the flowers I wear in my hair. You can almost smell the sandalwood incense can't you?

No seriously, I love those shoes and quite frankly, you're hurting their feelings. I'm going full-on hippie People. The underarms, they will be hairy.

So sleep, and better posting (with actual thought and perhaps, just maybe, a topic) and possibly pictures of Jimmy Hendrix coming soon.