Look, we're suffering, we're bitter, we're afraid and the laundry list of "we're(s)" just keeps going, right off into the horizon. Every time we turn around we're slapped with yet another doomsday scenario and our optimism....what optimism?
I've read your comments, several times, and you know what? It was completely irresponsible of me to post what The Agency told me and I apologize if I caused any further anxiety. You have to remember that I really nailed her to the floor. She was not getting off the phone with me until I had my answers and you should know this is what I do for a living, I abstract information and I'm really good at it. The thing is, and if I didn't express this clearly shame on me, the cold hard reality of it is - they don't really know anymore than we do. All of these things they tell us, it's regurgitated information that's been given to them. I used to really despise my Agency because I thought they were withholding important information from me. I no longer think that's the case at all, they simply don't have any information. Everything they say is speculation because information sharing from China, if there ever was information sharing, has been altered somehow. Everything your agencies are saying to you is what they truly believe is fact based on past history and current trends. Unfortunately we're in some sort of cyclone where policies are being changed and it's seriously wonkifying the standard.
Let me ask you this, and believe me when I say I'm also asking these same questions of myself, when you chose to enter China's adoption program what were the reasons? And let's narrow down the scope a bit, forget the "I was drawn to China" and such because my guess is we all felt that way. For me, it came down to about three things:
- Health of the children
- Stable program
- Consistency
I think we'd all agree the health of the children, both emotionally and physically has gotten better over the years. I truly believe the foster parents and nannies love and care for these children. It's testament are the thousands of well adjusted kids. Rarely if ever do you hear about fetal alcohol syndrome or drugs and while there are cases of associative disorders and bonding issues, I think as the years have progressed those cases have become fewer and fewer. The children without question are taken care of.
The stability of the program.... To me it seems somethings changed within China. It may simply be they have a new director who hasn't been in office for a year yet and doesn't know the ropes, has no previous history to rely on, or he could be a complete dufus, who knows? I don't think it's any one thing though, I think it's a combination of things swirling together creating a vortex of suck. China has specifically said they are not closing the program and if it weren't for the drama of the last 6 months or so, we wouldn't dream of questioning what they're saying. But because there has been month after month of disappointment we immediately put up the bullshit-o-meter, you know? I mean it's human nature, it's like I was saying to Johnny, "no information leads to speculative information" and I can only speak for myself, but left to my own twisted and dark imagination, I will come to the worst possible conclusion. I will create scenarios that would only happen in nightmares. I equate it to years of disappointment, after a while it's just where you go by instinct. Ahhhh the sweet smell of pessimism. What I can say with all certainty is the program has never shut down, not even temporarily. Dudes they caught our spy plane, our spy plane! and didn't shut down the program. They've been through disease, political tensions and bullying and yet still, the program has remained open. We, I, have to keep repeating that to myself. They. Have. Never. Closed. Down. The. Program. How many other IA programs can say that? I don't think any can. Guatemala, the Eastern European countries, Korea, Vietnam, Ethiopia - they've all closed their adoption doors for one reason or another. China has always remained the benchmark.
Consistency. Well you can't argue this one, consistency is still there 100%. Every month referrals come in, it may not be as many as we want, but they do come in.
The simple fact is we want our children, like NOW. Believe me I think all the time had I stayed on the original time line I would be home with my daughter and in my last month of family leave, but it wasn't meant to be, not yet and I don't know why and I listen to all these stupid bullshit rumors and I freak out and cry and I worry and I'm terrified and you know what? It's because I have no control - over any of it. My future, my child, they are all in the hands of someone I don't know half way across the world. There's been a rift in the system and I'm freaking over it, because I have no information of WHY there's a rift. The reasons as well as the solutions could be so simple, minor even, but without something that holds logic that something small becomes GINORMOUS, it's the nature of the human game, we're vulnerable creatures.
I guess what I really want to say here is before you do something like switch countries, wait a little bit. This current trend is not the new standard. I know it's frustrating and I know you're scared, I'm scared too but there's a reason why we've chosen this path, give it a chance, at least wait until they finish with July - the last of the honker months. It's too soon to see a big picture.
