I just noticed the titles to my last two Posts have contained the word "suck". Apparently I'm still a 13 year old girl in Junior High School. This also might be the reason why I haven't done the Word Cloud going around. Can you imagine? It would be frightening, a string of profanity in different font sizes. An "in your face" realization of how poor my language skills are.

On second thought, that might be interesting. Hold on I'll be right back.

Notice the first line? "Adoption Ass Baby", niiiiiiice. I'm also partial to "Fuck Girl God", that's a keeper. And of course we have "suck" in ginormous letters. Very proud. Anyone want to take a bet on what Emma's first word will be? If this little Cloud is any indicator I do believe I have some vocabulary modification exercises in my future. OH! I just saw "rumors run simple" and "cool cow diaries". This is turning out to be much more fun than I anticipated.

Alright, down to the nitty-gritty. While personally I have found the adoption experience to be miserable thus far, it's not about me. It's about me and my husband having a child and becoming a family. So while I'm frustrated and angry, I have been carrying the thought of a little almond eyed child with me for a year and a half now. Sight unseen I've grown emotionally vested in her and I can't abandon her. Politics aside, my girl is in China.

That's not to say I'm up to my eyeballs in frustration. The unfortunate thing about frustration, if it gets big enough it turns into hopelessness, which is what you saw yesterday.

I imagine there will be more full meltdowns, it would appear I've got some more waiting to do. I'll try to keep the snot to a minimum, no promises though.

Thank you for your kind words and wishes. At a time when I pretty low they brought great comfort to me. I'm so grateful to be on this ride with you.

Tequila tonight at my house, I should be home around 6:00p

Comments

[Johnny]

Hey, I'd partay with you if I could. Use my Mexican Martini recipe.

[Jen R]

Yours is the best word cloud I have seen by far

[Tara]

Hi,
My favorite is "pile pissed plus popsicle process". Quite alliterative, doncha think?
Enjoy the tequila. I wouldn't mind joining you. The wait sucks, no if, ands or buts about it.
Tara
also waiting,but with a pic of my little guy.

[Kim]

Count me in for Tequilla! I hope you have lots on hand!

I have to admit that Tom and I have contemplated the possibility of changing our adoption path due to the increased wait. But we can't. Because our daughter is in China. So we'll wait. We won't be happy about it, but we'll do it. And I'm convinced that we'll love Grace even more so because of it.

So China, if this is a test to see how bad we want our children, y'all can stop now. I think we've all passed.

[Jenny]

Steph,
i got nothing...really nothing...sucks...totally sucks...

[Kimmy]

I prefer my salt with a little tequila. Thanks. I'll bring the extra salt.

[Carrie]

I can't read the word between them but "bittter bug" caught my eye. Maybe you should create one of those for us and we could use it as the new symbol of Chinese adoption. It could replace the ladybug pretty easily at this point I think.

[Jacquie]

I like "snark" right on top of "suck." Kinda like a suck sandwich, which is exactly what I feel like we've all been fed. Bullshit.

[Ford]

I'll pick some fresh Key Limes and head your way. I like a little salt with mine.

Hang in there, every little thing, gonna be alright...

[Colleen]

I will tell you that yours is one of my favorite word clouds. In fact, I actually spent time reading it and it did bring a smile to my face today which is more than I can say for the rest of the crap I read about the delay.