I'll Take Suck Door Number Two Bob

Why is it the Universe in all its infinite wisdom and beauty always chooses the suck option? And exactly where does hope come from if the Universe is choosing suck all the time? If we're talking odds here, 9 out of 10 times the outcome of any given event is shitty. Do we get ourselves all hyped up over that 1%? Well of course the answer is "yes" which simply put makes us the stupidest creatures on the face of the planet. If it were say, sticking your finger in a light socket and having your ass zapped nine times, are you still saying to yourself "dude I hope I don't get zapped this time" as you inch forward, finger outstretched. NO, that would be moronic. I'm thinking after say twice I'm throwing my arms in the air and exclaiming "fuck it!" and walking away. Perhaps to get myself a popsicle.

Since this little blog-o-mine is pretty specific on it's intended purpose and content, more or less, I won't bore you by going over the details of today's events on referrals. Or should I say lack of referrals or possibly short-stack referrals? I shall only say:

Color me unimpressed.

Actually it's more than that. Not only am I unimpressed, but I'm finding that shiny, brass newness of the adoption process is fading and a rather dull, chipped and rusted oldness of the adoption process is taking its place.

Now I've never held myself out as a bunnies and butterflies type of gal. I'm not a romantic nor am I a daydreamer, I consider myself grounded and edged with pessimism. So when I say the "newness" is wearing off, I really mean, in Stephanie terms, I'm becoming increasingly fucking pissed at the continual misinformation or lack of information coming from China.

Why is there a general conflict in the way we are expected to view China and yet that same respect isn't reciprocated?  I think this is a logical question. Not a popular question, but logical.

Why is there an insistence that all information concerning the adoption of who will eventually be OUR child treated as "need to know"? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't there some sort of contractual agreement between China and the agencies which represent China? And isn't there some sort of contractual relationship between ourselves and our agencies? Then really aren't we all in this together and the necessity of secretiveness ridiculous?

I'm not sure where to go from here. The only thing I do know is I don't want to do this any longer. Perhaps, the Universe in its infinite wisdom is choosing to tell me I shouldn't be a mother.

At what point, after dealing with disappointment after disappointment, do you say "fuck it" and have yourself a popsicle?

Comments

[koli's mom]

Stephanie, I am shell shocked by the info that has been released. Shell. Shocked. You know I'm right there with you and this just sucks. Screw the popsicle, I'm having a bottle of wine.

[shelly]

Stephanie,
I've been checking your blog all day waiting for you to post in light of the suck-ass news. Misery really does love company these days.

[Kimmy]

No, no, no, no, and no. We are meant to be mom's. Dammit. If the crackwhore on the corner of Piss and Vinegar Street can have a baby, so can we. DAMMIT.

Adoption packets are still in high demand and approvals given. OK, that's a "whatever." Program China has been in existence since 1992. Whatever. It has weathered the Chinese Embassy bombing and 9/11. It slows down, speeds up and is ever the dependable go forward program.

The real question should be, will China weather Program Stephanie?

And, if that pop-ice is laced with tequila, I say, the more the merrier.

[melissa y]

I said the same thing yesterday...maybe it's just not meant to be and it's not worth it. If I accept the 12 month wait time, then what? Will it go to 15 or 18 months? This is just SO depressing. I wish my agency would be a little more forthcoming with information. I'm sure they know more than they are letting on since they are one of the 'big ones.' This wait sucks for us all!

[Jacquie]

Bitter here, right along with ya. First of all, NO the universe is not telling you that you should not be a mother. That I know. You'll be a great mom. I feel that in my bones.

That being said, and in my utter ignorance of other countries' IA programs, I sure would think twice about another country should I decide to ever get on this ride again.

[Sparky]

You can have the popsicle but you are required to think about it for at least 30 days before saying fuck it. Okay? The universe is know to be wrong. Look at me. 46 soon to be 47 and a first time mom.

Sparky: 1
Universe 0

[Lisa & Jeff]

I'm so sorry Stephanie. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling being so close yet so far away from getting your baby. My heart break's for the May 31 people that might not even make it in this batch. This just SUCK'S!!

[shelly]

Don't bail. You're going to get through this wait - maybe not in one piece, but you've come this far man. I know I've posted my share of comments here today, but I'm thinking about you...concerned for you. One of these days I expect you'll break down and email the CCAA directly to get the real scoop. Dare ya.

[Ford]

This is the latest from our agency. Don't know if this makes you feel better. Hang in there. It's worth it.

CCAI

Welcome To The Traditional Child Referral Program

3/22/2006

We have learned that the CCAA is working on the next set of matches. We believe this group will include the rest of May LID families. CCAI does not have any additional dates for the month of May. At this time we cannot confirm if it will include any June LID.

That is all the information we have at this time. We will update this site when more information becomes available.

[Kristin]

Start drinking. Drink a lot. Shop a lot. Drink some more. Rent, "Raise the Red Lantern" and have a cry. Then buy something cute for the baby. Take a trip and buy souvenir T-shirts in tiny sizes and when people ask you who the shirts are for, say, "MY DAUGHTER!"

Blog a lot because people understand.