Halloween is my favorite holiday. A delightful and pungent mix of pagan delights that freak out the staunch, Raise Your Hands to Jesus for You're Going to Hell hardcore Christians mixed with the goodness of Kit Kats wrapped in adorable costumes and carved pumpkins with a month of creepy movies on the tv. What is not to like about that!? There is nothing not to like, it's all awesome! So where or where did it get all kinds of fucked up?
Remember when you were a kid and spent HOURS trick or treating? I carried a pillow case for my candy! A freakin pillow case! It was an all night event and I was out for hours hoarding candy like an addict. And if the old smelly dude down the street didn't hand out candy at his house, well then he was promptly TP'd or eggs decorated his front porch, hence the TRICK part of the ryhme! .....(not by me of course because I was a delicate fragile flower of a child)
When did people stop giving out candy? No, no, that's not even it. When did people stop giving out candy and become douchehats about it? The fling open the door and scowl at the children while they hiss "NO CANDY"? Why'd you even answer the door you killer of children's fun whore??
The disappointment was mammoth! Of the 30 or so houses we went to around our block, maybe a third of them were participating in what USED TO BE A REALLY FUN HOLIDAY FOR KIDS YOU MISERABLE OLD ASSBAGS, WAY TO CRUSH THE SPIRIT OF A LITTLE GIRL.
So we went home and made tater tots to sooth our bummed spirits.
Next year baby girl, we're high tailing it out of his neighborhood and away from its zombie retirement home inhabitants and we'll go someplace fun...then we'll come back and mommy will show you how to TP a house!