....and 4 lovely and beautiful months passed with nothing more than a runny nose and there was much celebrating. With donuts. It was good. My annoying, slightly compulsive habit of shooting my hand out to feel her forehead each and every time she might wander by diminished, I stopped counting fever free weeks! And slowly, very slowly, we were lulled into what we would soon discover was a false sense of HELL YEAH, WE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THIS THING! SUCK IT FEVERS, WE'RE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE! Booo-Yah! We fist pumped, butted our heads and grunted mightily. Drink us in! We rock.
So we made plans to go to Disneyworld.
And I think I could probably just stop there and you would get the gist of the events which followed, right? Because we? Oh we are assholes.
We arrived on Sunday afternoon to what could only be described as the most AMAZING room EVER. You could hate us for the opulence but trust me when I say this, WE PAID FOR IT. Oh no, not in dollars, no... we were vacationing with my inlaws. Yes that's right, the INLAWS, who were vacationing with us. THE INLAWS. And this room was an upgrade from our regular two bedroom room because they're Platinum members of this timeshare, thingzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....whatever.
Anywho everything was groovy, there was wine and food and wine and some Chinese beer Mark has become addicted to and Xanax and then we went to bed.
Then it all just sort of unraveled.
We all shared a bed, the three of us, and the child, OHMYGOD the child, who was fidgety and whiny and kicky and we were cranky. About 4:00a Mark get's up to...oh I don't know, kill Emma or kick small woodland animals or something when I felt her and SHE WAS HOT and OHMYGOD. And that's where I freaked the hell out. Because I am nothing if not the image of cool and calm in a crisis.
I had brought Children's Tylenol with me because I am an over-packer (honestly the fact that I didn't bring wool sweaters to Orlando during the summer when it's 105 degrees is merely an oversight on my part. You never know) (plus mondo paranoid) (established), which held a measly one -no added dyes- dose...
...IKNOW. I'm a freak about the red dye. It's just BAD, ok?!
...I gave it to her and resigned myself to hunting down more within the resort in the morning. We all got 4 hours of sleep.
The next morning the fever was still there, sort of slapping us in the face, flipping us off and calling us it's 'bitches'. I didn't bring a thermometer but it didn't feel super hot, lower grade, maybe 101. Fine. To aspirin hunting I will go. So I got dressed and walked to the sundry shop about 109 miles away. And you know what I found? NOTHING. Some bullshit about Tylenol recalling because of a packaging flaw.
"No Advil or Motrin"
"I hate you, you know that?"
So back to the room I went, sorta crying, because again, picture image of holding my shit together. The inlaws volunteered to go to the grocery store and pick her up something. Awesome. They decide while they're out they're going to go ahead and do a little grocery shopping too which meant they were back approximately 4 hours after they left.
When they returned they gave me a a bottle of dksjdklfjie, yeah I don't even know. If it was a generic brand, it was the funkiest packaging I've ever seen, I surmised it was probably from Tijuana brought the US through the well known underground children's pharmaceutical ring. The pharmacist told them it was ibuprofen, even though I couldn't find that word printed anywhere on the box or bottle, and he had told them to give Emma 1 tsp. 1 tsp? That's a small dose, are you sure? Is it a Quaalude? No? A teaspoon? Yes? Ok.
I proceeded to tear into the box and pulled out a bottle with a red liquid that could only be described as NEON. It was not a color found in nature. I smelled it and....ew. I turned and looked at Emma, laying miserably on the couch watching Sleeping Beauty, wrapped up in a blanket. Fine. I'll give it to her.
I carefully poured out 1 tsp, eying it suspiciously, and took it to her, she took it and drank it down, promptly declaring it the most nasty thing she's ever taken while chasing it down with huge gulps of water. We tasted it because really? it's that bad? And yes, yes it was that bad. No future dosing went as well as the first, everything after that was a fight and she would have rather spontaneously combusted than allow a drop of that stuff to pass her lips.
Luckily the fever only ran one day and then a second day was filled with HUGE naps, like 4.5 hour naps and many Disney movies (her favorite being Burton's Alice in Wonderland) (I am proud). By the evening of the second day, she was feeling better.
I loath fevers.
She missed Universal with her cousin, which was a drag. BUT, she did hit the Pixie Dust laden streets of Disneyworld with a vengeance.
sidenote: Ladies, please don't wear this type of short unless you are a twig. A 16-year old twig. Not attractive, that's all I'm saying. Collectively we're scaring the small children. And emotionally I'm just unable to address the black shoes with black footies.
...Jesus, I just saw the dude with the fanny pack for the first time. Are those leather slippers? Please tell me those aren't leather slippers. ...umm, is that a guy?
When she met Tiana (she's from The Princess and the Frog, get with it People!), her head almost dislodged from her shoulders. I've never seen her so giddy and excited. Honestly, and this is a little embarrassing, I cried. Not a lot, but a little. Her joy, it was palpable.
People opened doors for her and said "Hello Princess", a few even curtsied. The look on her face! She was living a little dream in those hours. And I'll admit it, my princess detesting, Disney hating, cold heart filled with awe at seeing it all through her eyes. It was indeed magical. I don't know, maybe there's something to that whole Believe Dreams Come True thing?